Great meal, easy conversation, a great date for both of you. But when you check out, you take one look at your date and ask, what should we do? It is not difficult for a rich single doctor who met on millionaire dating site to pay for a meal. But, "are you the kind of person who always pays for a date or the kind of person who would rather go dutch?"
For many men, this is no problem at all, regardless of whether the man can afford it. In traditional dating culture, "man pays" seems to be a given on a first date. But in fact, of more than 860 millennial women who participated in a 2018 survey, 54% said they "sometimes" or "always" expect their date to pay for them, while 59% said they feel appreciated when their date pays.
Whatever the reason, letting a man pay is a social norm that many are reluctant to let go of. In the past, couples prefer premarital sex, and women are prohibited from asking men unless in exceptional circumstances, for long-term, serious relationships and choosing not to leave it to individuals to set their own boundaries and pick what works best for them. The topic of who should pay for a first date is one of the few social norms that many people take seriously.
There are several underlying reasons why this old-fashioned approach lingers. Some people still believe in chivalry, believing that a man is a gentleman who will take care of his date, while others believe that splitting the bill implies that you don't want to owe your date anything and is a way of telling him or her that you are not interested in him or her and won't expect a second date.
With all this in mind, going Dutch seems like a scary proposition from the start, but it doesn't have to be. When prospective partners pay their bills in their own way, they don't feel resentful if things don't work out, and no one needs to feel pressured because they somehow "owe" another person the bill.
Although this may seem contrary to conventional wisdom, even if you're just starting a conversation, don't be nervous about raising the possibility of going Dutch with your date. In the early stages, when you just have feelings for each other, it actually provides a great opportunity to suggest paying for yourself on the date.
When you get to know someone, it's best to bring it up in conversation. If you're going to meet right after the first conversation, ask in the middle of the conversation to gauge the other person's reaction. When you do ask the question, use it as an example of a longer story about how you want to meet someone worthy, and when you ask the question, you're fully engaged.
Still upset about going Dutch on the first date? Relieve stress by keeping it simple and casual on the first date. Grab a cup of coffee, sit in the park and talk, and focus all your attention on what's being said instead of the unimportant stuff. While dating a doctor on an exclusive singles dating site can be overwhelming, fearing that there is no common topic to engage her or his attention, try to make the conversation as easy as possible.
What if she won't go Dutch, you ask? What if she thinks you're stingy and loses faith in you? Honestly, these are different possibilities. But the best thing you can do is ignore it if it causes problems.
Be yourself. If you think offering to pay on the first date is a basic courtesy, you value it. Just tell your date it's no big deal. It is more important to respect others than to be liked.
Also, consider the opposite: if she's willing to split the bill, you've managed to bypass a small obstacle to a potential relationship, which could well be a good sign of open communication in the future.
Regardless of how you feel about your partner paying the bills, it's best to ask for his or her advice before you know him or her. Remember, don't be stingy and let your date know that you're respecting her, hopefully.